Who's In Charge Here?

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published:
October 23, 2021
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Our decision making can be affected by many things - ourselves, other people, the outside world. As you listen to this episode, think about where your decision making is most influenced. Do you lead with your emotions and feelings, or are you most swayed by facts, stats, and research?

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Episode Transcript

Welcome to Inner Warmup, where your inner work begins. My name is Taylor Elyse Morrison. I'm the founder of Inner Workout and you as always are our expert guest. Thanks for being here. If you're new around here, I like to start our episodes with some type of check in. This is meant to be 10-12 minutes of presence and I don't know about you, but I have a lot going on in my world. And so it's nice for me when I'm doing something intentional to pause and check in. So our check in today, which relates to what we'll be talking about is I want you to describe how you're feeling right now, in this moment, in one word. Maybe take a deep breath, feel into your emotions, explore your thoughts, and choose one word to sum them up. It's interesting, I did this exercise as I was preparing the notes for today's episode. And the word I came up with was restless. But as I did this with you just now, the word that came up was like fiery. I am in my luteal phase I just have a lot of energy, and maybe it's a different shade of restlessness, but that's what I'm feeling. I have all of my opinions coming to the surface and I'm trying to express them with kindness. And sometimes that's happening, and sometimes that's not.

Okay, so the interview question that we've got for this week, the reflection question that we've got for this week is who's in charge here? And before I explain what that means, I want to share two experiences and see which one you resonate with. My guess is that you resonate with one of these more than the other. So in your mind's eye, imagine that you're making a decision and it's a bigger than normal decision, right? Like, it's going to be an investment of time and it's going to be an investment of enough money that it makes you think twice. That's a different number for everyone. But it's that level of decision. It's not like, do I take a walk by the beach? Or do I take a hike? So a little bit, a little bit more skin in the game, so it's that kind of decision that you're making.

And as you're making this decision, you either rely on your feelings, and you're like, this feels right, this feels wrong. My heart is racing. My thoughts are telling me this, and I'm ignoring any research. I'm ignoring any input from other people. I'm just focusing on how I feel.

So that's the one person, or are you this person who is so focused? You have like your spreadsheet, you've cataloged everything, you know that statistically, based on the trajectory of other people who have had to make the similar decision, but you should make this choice in a certain way. You've cut out any feeling from the situation, you've just looked at it as facts and figures, this is what I should do. So one really, completely lead by feelings, you could possibly use some more thought in there. And the other person who is so in their head that they've forgotten that emotions and how we feel can offer some beneficial information to. Which one do you resonate with more?

I can tell you that I've been the person who has had something feel right or feel wrong and dove headfirst into a decision based on only feelings. I've also been the person who focuses on what I should do based on research, ignoring like, oh, hey, this does not feel good to me at all. And neither of those extremes are not really great places to be. I don't want that for us. And now you can probably guess if we're going back to this question of who's in charge here, I'm wondering, and I want you to ponder who's running the show when it comes to your decision making right now?

Is it your emotions or is it an integrated conversation between all of you? Emotions are great. I have had to do a lot of work to be able to access my emotions and not bypass them. It's easy for me to see emotions as things that are getting in the way of what I want to do. And I see oh, they actually can provide some insight. So emotions are carriers of information but emotions, feelings, they're not always factual, don't always have the whole story. They're shaped by our past experiences, by our emotions by our sets of beliefs, and they're not looking at the whole picture. Most of the time, both of those things can be true. Your emotions can be so helpful and valuable, and they can also be really misleading. And so that's why I love this question. As I'm looking at decisions, as I'm sitting with myself and reflecting, who's in charge here? Am I making this decision based on a specific emotion? And if I am, can I name that emotion? Like, I was imagining something new for Inner Workout and I felt like I need to get it out right now, the timing seems so right for it. But as I felt into it, I was able to say, ooh, I'm doing this from a place of scarcity right now. Like, yes, this is a great idea and also, I'm doing this because I'm afraid that I won't be able to do it later.

Once I can name oh, okay, that feeling of scarcity and fear is running the show right now...is that really who I want to be in charge? Nope. Okay, I can choose a different path, I can choose a different way. Now what I want is, instead of just my emotions in the lead, I want to make fully integrated decisions. Decisions where every piece of me gets to have a voice where I'm engaging my mind, I'm engaging my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions, my body, right? I'm tapping into my own energy to make decisions. So as you're asking yourself this question, who's in charge here, and maybe you have a specific decision in mind, you might also explore does that change? Like, do I feel really grounded when I'm making decisions about my personal life, but then maybe I'm making a decision about work. And all of a sudden, there are these feelings of what it could be, a lot of things. It could be imposter syndrome, it could be competitiveness, it could be shame, whatever feelings are running the show and work related decisions, but not in these other areas of my life. Because that might have something to teach you too. If you can show up in an integrated, balanced way in one part of your life, and not in another part of your life, you can say, okay, what's different? What's different about these two perspectives? And what insight does that give me on myself?

So, my emotions, when I think about it, they get the best of me when I have to have a hard conversation, when I need to give feedback, when I need to receive feedback, when I need to say no to something, and I'm worried that the person might be disappointed. I go to worst case scenarios. And it's a lot of feelings of worry and fear about how people are going to perceive me. Will they understand where I'm coming from and that I have a limited amount of time and energy? And I'm trying so hard to be focused about where I send it so my emotions can often be the thing running the show, when I'm having a hard conversation. But then when I am dreaming about my future, and what's next for me and my family, those decisions feel really integrated, like all of me gets a seat at the table.

Okay, so then there's some things for me to learn about why I feel safe in this area. Often when I'm engaging with people that I love in parts of my life that I feel more control over, versus when I'm having to give feedback. So just some things that I learned and not a lot of time of reflection about myself. And now
it's your turn. I want you to think, who's in charge here? Who's running the show? Is it your emotions or is it all of you getting to have a say? If you want, you can think about if it's contextual as well. So I'll give you some time to share and reflect.

Thank you for taking the time to share and explore your thoughts with me. And I wanted to mention if it ever feels like you don't have enough time to really dig into something, hit the pause button. I want you to have as much time as you need. That's why it's the Inner Warmup, this is where things get to kick off. So thank you for creating a space with me. If you want to explore further, you have an insight you want to share, you can come join us in our free online community. I'll make sure that's linked in the show notes. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your expertise and take care.

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